In my last post I pointed out that “Homeschooling911” actually started as a book idea – that my original goal was to write a book that would give homeschoolers the tools they needed to continue to homeschool even when life got complicated…or worse.  While “Homeschooling911” did ultimately evolve from a book idea to a website, and while I have actually spent almost two years sharing the “nuts-and-bolts” of homeschooling with prospective and current homeschoolers, I still want to be of assistance to those who are in the middle of a crisis, tragedy or challenge of any kind.

And it became even clearer to me recently that I needed to address this subject while going through an unexpected and unwelcome challenge of my own.  I won’t go into details but I was very ill during the latter half of December and the beginning of January.  The problems actually started in early November but escalated in the week before Christmas, to the point where I ended up in the ER on December 22^nd and subsequently spent hours (and thousands of dollars) on doctor’s appointments, lab work and other unpleasantness.

In the middle of this, not knowing how long it would take for me to regain my health I began to plan what I would do with my 4^th grader for school once the “Christmas break” ended.  I decided that I would start with only committing to one subject a day, and that subject would be math.  If I managed to do anything else with him, that would be gravy, but math would be my first priority.

And that brings me back to what I discussed in part one of this “mini-series” – when life throws you a curveball, you need to do two things in order to continue to homeschool successfully: prioritize and be flexible.

If you haven’t read that post yet, I suggest you do that right away.  It’s okay, I’ll wait…

So you’re back.  Having read that post you now know that I discussed, in a general way, why I believe prioritizing and being flexible are so crucial to dealing with disaster, change, turmoil and the complications of life – and that’s true for anyone, but particularly for those of us who have taken on the additional responsibility of homeschooling our children.

In this post I am going to go into specifics.  I am going to share those tactics that actually helped me deal with tragedy, turmoil and circumstances that turned my life upside down.  And I firmly believe that these tactics will help you as well.  I also believe that you can continue to homeschool when your life becomes topsy-turvy.

As I pointed out in my previous post, in order to prioritize in difficult times you must learn to be flexible.  If you need to throw a temporary tantrum because of all of your wonderful plans have gone awry, by all means do!  But after you’ve had your fit, take a deep breath, and start prioritizing.  What do your children really need, right now in order to continue to progress in their studies?  What can be put aside for next week, next month, or even next year?

I will contend (and I’m not claiming any kind of special knowledge because this seems pretty obvious) that your children really only need three things in terms of their schooling – those three things are traditionally called “the three ‘R’s.”

Mathematics, reading and writing are the foundation of your child’s education.  Everything else is gravy.  If your child can read, they can find information for themselves.  If they have a solid grasp of mathematics, they can interact with their world in any number of circumstances.  And if they have been trained in composition skills so they can communicate effectively, well, they’ll be ahead of the vast majority of their peers.

I also believe that the order of importance of those three subjects matters, and I put them in the order I have for a reason.  I will explain why below.  When tough times come, and they will, I believe if you follow the methods I have used you can’t go wrong!

Mathematics: At the beginning of this post I mentioned my decision to focus solely on mathematics with my fourth-grader while I was dealing with a debilitating illness.  Why math?  Unlike other subjects, math is the one subject that constantly builds upon previously learned facts and material – and unlike other subjects it also tends to need constant review in order to make those facts and material “stick.”

For example, once your child learns to read, they are not going to forget how to read.   Sure, you will want them to read more challenging material over time, but they will still know how to read.  But will your child forget their addition or multiplication facts?  Will they forget how to multiply fractions or do long division?  In a heartbeat!  Math is the one subject that, more than any other, you must stick with come heck or high water.

So when life goes crazy and you need to prioritize, make sure your kid is getting in their math – whether that involves you sitting down with them, or an older sibling teaching them, or they work on a computer math program or watch DVD’s – whatever you do, keep up with their math.  And if you’re smart you’ll do like I do – once my kids are in sixth or seventh grade they are responsible for completing about 75% of their work independently.  Tell them to do math first.  Every day.  No excuses.

Reading: How you deal with reading in your “prioritizing” depends on the ages of your children.  For young children learning to read, the world will not end if you put their reading program away for a little while.  On the other hand, the two keys I recommend you use when teaching your child to read involve little to no help from you at all.  I discuss this in depth in my post “How to: Teach Your Child to Read” but, in a nutshell, if you use Leapfrog
materials (particularly their phonics DVD’s) and the “Explode the Code” phonics workbooks, your kids are almost guaranteed to learn to read – and with little involvement on your part.  Frankly, many of the phonics programs I have looked at make learning to read way more complicated than it needs to be.  And granted, all kids are different – but the “Explode the Code” workbooks are so solid that I believe few kids would have trouble learning to read if they are used consistently.  And fortunately, they don’t require much time at all.  Spend 15 minutes a day, at most, and you will see results.

Now if your children are older and already reading – well that just makes things even easier!  Forget the grammar, vocabulary, spelling, etc. for a while.  If your kids know how to read, give them things to read.  Have them carry a book everywhere they go.  Have them read to you, if you feel like it.  Or have them read to their younger siblings.  I especially recommend you assign them a series of books.  For kids in 2^nd to 4^th grade, say – assign them the Boxcar Children series.  For kids in 5^th to 7^th grade, for example, you could assign the Ralph Moody series that starts with Little Britches (fantastic series by the way – based on Moody’s life these stories show kids that are resourceful, responsible and respectful).  For even older kids, get them into Charles Dickens or G. A. Henty or Jane Austen.  Reading several books by the same author can help your children with their own writing skills as well.  They learn to recognize an author’s voice and can better understand how to find their own voice when writing.  Which brings me to:

Writing: There are two components to writing: the mechanics of handwriting, and the creativity of composition.  When life gets complicated, you can certainly scrap the handwriting program for a time.  Penmanship is something you’ll work on with your kids for years – and all the work you do doesn’t guarantee your kids will end up with good penmanship as I know only too well.  My daughter has nice handwriting as does my middle son but my oldest son’s handwriting is atrocious.  But so what?  He spends most of his time on the computer anyway!  So yes, I do work on handwriting as part of our curriculum (I use “A Reason for Handwriting”) but it’s very hit-and-miss around here.  It’s certainly not a huge priority and can be put aside for quite a while if necessary.

Composition is another thing.  Now first of all, if you have kids under the age of 11 or 12, don’t even bother!  You see how much work I just saved you!  I realize there are some homeschooling philosophies that involve a LOT of writing on the part of your little students.  I think it’s a waste of time.  Just my opinion!

For one thing, narration bores me to death.  I know it’s an integral part of the Charlotte Mason school of thought.  I tried it…and it put me to sleep.  I don’t think we even lasted a week.  And the other school of thought that you should have your child tell you a story while you write it down – another snooze-fest as far as I’m concerned.

And frankly, I believe that composing written work is far too abstract a concept to be assigning to your kids while they’re still mastering fractions and long division.  Now I want you to understand me here: if you have a child that likes making up stories, by all means let them!  And be sure to throw that in your lesson plan schedule when they come to you with something they’ve created (whether by hand or on the computer).  My youngest loves to create stories and cartoons.  So I let him.  But I don’t assign stories or essays.

Once your child is somewhere between 5^th and 7^th grades, then it’s time to think about a composition program.  And the only one I ever found, after years of searching, that’s worth its salt is “Write With the Best.”  WWTB comes in two volumes and you can easily get three to four years worth of composition instruction out of these two volumes if you take your time.  “Write With the Best” also includes lessons in grammar so you can throw away that extra grammar curriculum.

Another thing I like to do with WWTB is to use the literature assignments as a basis for reading assignments.  For instance, WWTB uses passages from famous literature to teach a specific concept, such as writing a descriptive paragraph or an expository essay.  Rather than just have my child read that one excerpt, I have them read the whole book.  So, for example, as part of using WWTB my middle son read Treasure Island, The Wind in the Willows, and Twenty-Thousand Leagues Under the Sea.  “Write With the Best” is simply a fabulous program and if you have kids ages 12 and up, you should be using it!

So to sum up:  How do you tackle tough times as a homeschooler?  Well, first of all you need to decide that you are going to be flexible and you are going to prioritize your studies based on what your kids really need, which I believe would be, in this order: mathematics, reading and writing.

Now depending on the legal situation in your state you may need to insert more studies into your schedule BUT, if that is the case, I encourage you to be creative.  If you’re a relative “newbie” to the homeschooling scene, get some advice from veteran homeschoolers.  I’m sure one of two of them have been through tough times and have figured out ways to satisfy the government’s requirements while staying sane.  (And for the record, I think it is deplorable what some states require from homeschoolers…as if the public schools are producing 100% academic stars???)

When I say “be creative” I am suggesting, for example, that some of your everyday activities be counted as schoolwork – whether those activities are cooking meals, helping out with a relative in a crisis situation, or even just spending time reading good books or watching some nature DVD’s.  Everything “homeschooling” doesn’t have to mean sitting at a desk with a textbook!

Finally, I want to encourage you to look at the “big picture.”  Whatever hell you might be going through, you will get through it.  I know that isn’t very comforting when you’re in the middle of a tragedy.  I lost my brother in 1997 when he was killed by a drunk driver – he was 37 years old.  I lost my niece in 2007 when she was killed in a traffic accident – she was 19.  I’ve been through tragedy.  The kind that makes you almost wish you would lose your mind because the pain hurts so bad.  Through it all, by the grace of God, I continued to homeschool.  And I’m so thankful I did.

And you can too.  It doesn’t require Supermom powers.  It just requires some determination and, as I learned in my own life, a decision to be flexible and prioritize your child’s studies.

If you have any questions or just need a little encouragement you can leave a comment below or, if you’d rather keep it private, fill out my contact form and I will get back to you personally.

And if you have any tips related to how you homeschooled through tough times, please share them in the comments.  We all need some encouragement from time to time.

If you’ve read my post titled “Why Homeschooling911?” you know that this website originally started as a book idea.  The idea I had in mind was to share the experiences in my life that had been at times extremely stressful, and at other times utterly tragic, and to share the truth that it is more than possible to continue homeschooling through, as I called them, “life’s big and little emergencies.”

Where did this book idea come from?  Well, there’s something I have found out about life: it happens.  Just because you homeschool doesn’t mean you are going to be exempt from: the death of a loved one, sickness, a job loss, or some other upheaval that affects your life in a profound way.  Homeschoolers always seem to be surprised that situations come along that throw their well-laid plans into disarray.  I even recently read in one forum a question about dealing with these kinds of disruptions, as if there is a secret formula for continuing to breeze along with your homeschool objectives when the kids are sick or you’re sick or you need to attend a funeral or you suddenly have to up-and-move because your husband’s company transferred him…but the bottom line is that life happens to all of us and there is no “secret formula.”  However, there are coping mechanisms you can put into place so that you can not only continue to homeschool, but you can do so in a way that can provide teaching moments for your children that come no other way.

When life happens, as a homeschooler, you need to learn to adjust and adapt.  You need to do what I discussed in a guest post titled “Homeschool Survival: How to Get Through Tough Times” at The Survival Mom website.  What I recommended in that post was a two-pronged approach to getting through tough times: prioritize and be flexible.

Prioritize: When life sends you a curveball you need to learn to do more than duck.  And one of the best things you can do in terms of your homeschool is to realize it is YOUR homeschool.  You have the right to do or not do any certain subject today or tomorrow or the next day.  Granted, I realize that some states are more demanding than the state of Florida in regards to what you have to teach and how many days you have to teach, etc.  But I guarantee you there are ways to be creative in terms of fulfilling your obligations in regards to your state government and local school board and I strongly encourage you to make the most of all the resources available to you including, and especially, the resources which your state homeschool organization can provide to help you when you are facing a turbulent time in your life.

That being said, I learned a long time ago that when, say, a hurricane came through and flattened my city, that it was okay to scale back on what I was teaching.  That it was perfectly fine to say, “Hey, this year we’re just going to pass on history.  We’ll get to that next year.”  Believe it or not, IT WORKS.  Every time I have gone through a disastrous and/or traumatic situation in my life, whether it was Hurricane Andrew or a move across-state or the sudden death of my brother in 1997 – when I got back to the basics – the “three R’s” if you will – it worked every time.  There was less stress on me, which benefitted me and my kids, and my children’s education did not suffer.  In Part Two of this little “series” I am going to discuss in detail what I mean by scaling back and how that might look for you.  I hope you’ll come back and read that post because I believe it will help you and – if you share it – who knows, you just might help someone else who is struggling to homeschool while going through a tough time.

Flexibility: The second key to surviving tough times as a homeschooler is to learn flexibility.  In reality, flexibility and prioritizing go together.  It’s hard to prioritize and eliminate some of the extraneous elements of homeschooling if you can’t be flexible.  Being flexible may even mean taking a month off, or handing the homeschooling reins over to an older child who can supervise their younger siblings.  What works for you and your family will be an individual decision.  But flexibility in homeschooling is key – and at the risk of offending someone – being flexible doesn’t have to mean putting your kids in school.  In fact, I am a strong believer that continuing to homeschool through the hard times is actually a win for your kids.  What do I mean by that?  When you continue to homeschool through hard times your children learn some valuable lessons that they will likely learn no other way.

Think about it: your children will learn how to deal with difficulty.  Yes, they may see you grieve – but that’s okay.  They will learn that grieving is part of life.  They will see how being flexible can serve them well when they encounter tough times in their own adult life.  They will learn how a family can pull together to help one another and to be a blessing to one another and maybe even to other family members who are a part of this challenging time in your life.

During the very difficult times in my life, such as after Hurricane Andrew blew through our community in 1992, homeschooling actually provided stability to my children.  While other families were scrambling to figure out when their kids would go to school and where their kids would go to school – considering that many schools had been blown away – our family, though we spent the next six weeks living with various family members, kept right on going…we just took school along with us!

In 1997 when my brother was killed by a drunk driver and I had to take a flight out immediately to be with my parents, I found out that the training I had provided my daughter – who was 13 at the time – had indeed paid off.  My husband was to drive down with my kids the day after I flew to my parents but he had to tie up loose ends at work since he would be out-of-town for several days.  During that time my daughter did all the laundry and all the packing for herself, her two brothers, and my husband!  I was actually astounded at the way she stepped up and took over the duties that normally I would have taken care of.  And in the months ahead, when I made several trips to my parents’ home to help them with various issues (such as meeting with the state attorney to discuss the case against the man who had killed my brother) my daughter again took over the reins including planning and cooking all the meals.  The only thing she couldn’t do was the shopping as she was too young to have a driver’s license!  She cared for her brothers, the house, everything.  This is one of those hidden benefits of homeschooling that I talked about.  And if my kids had been in school during that time, it would have been very difficult for me to get away as often as I did.  Too many don’t realize the tremendous blessing homeschooling can be not just in the good times, but in the tough times as well.

I would encourage you to take a new look at the way you approach your homeschool.  I don’t believe it should be compartmentalized into something you do “X” hours a day.  One of the false claims by those who oppose homeschooling is that it doesn’t prepare children for “life.”  On the contrary, I believe school attendance creates a completely artificial view of life (and often leads to the entitlement mentality too many young people exhibit these days).  In fact, homeschooling is the only school option that actually exposes children to real life, with all its complications, stresses, and trials.  And only homeschooling can provide the teaching platform to help your children learn how to deal with “real life” before they are out on their own managing their own lives and confronting their own challenges.

So I encourage you: don’t be afraid to homeschool through the tough times.  It is not only manageable, it will provide benefits to your children that will last a lifetime.  Stay tuned for Part Two of “Tackling Tough Times,” where I will discuss further some ways to put prioritizing and flexibility into practice.

And don’t forget to share this post with your network.  The “share” button below offers many options for doing just that!

If you are a regular reader of my blog you may have noticed that I have been somewhat MIA this month.  I did spend the first part of the month studying for the final exam in my history class (I’m working on finishing an English Lit degree at Florida State University).  That class was a beast.  One of the worst I’ve ever had.  I did end up with a B+ in the class in part due to the excellent job my 18-year old son did quizzing me!  By the way, I had a brainstorm a week or so before the exam to put together a timeline of all the events that I might be tested on.  Got out a roll of brown Kraft paper and cut about five feet of it, then taped it to my family room floor!  I wrote down all the dates (in order) for the dozens of events that had been covered the second half of the semester – this professor was VERY big on dates – and then my son quizzed me from that.  So…might be an idea for you to use for your homeschool some time!

Once I got my exam out of the way, I thought I’d have a few relaxing weeks for “Christmas break” but alas, I have been quite sick.  So sick I ended up in the ER last week on IV fluids.  I will spare you the details of how long it took the nurse(s) to get needles into my little veins but suffice it to say that my daughter, who was with me, told me later she thought she was going to pass out.  I’m still on meds and supposed to be following up with my doctor and I would certainly appreciate your prayers!

In any case, last year around this time I offered a “wrap-up” that linked to the most popular posts on my blog for that year.  So in the interest of consistency, and also for the benefit of my newer readers, I have compiled a list of the most popular posts of 2011.  I based my decision of what posts to include primarily on the number of readers who commented (for better or for worse!) but in the case of the last two posts listed, they were also two of the most “visited” posts of the year.

The Myth of Socialization
My Definition of an Adult
Homeschooling Your High Schooler
A Christian Marriage Reality Check
A Comment About Rascal Flatts
Making the Most of a Home School Conference
How To: Teach Math Concepts
How To: Teach Math Drills
How To: Teach Your Child To Read
How To: Teach Language Arts

Finally, if you don’t want to miss any of my posts in 2012 be sure to sign up to be notified of new posts either via RSS feed or my e-mail newsletter.  Just go to the top of this page and fill out the e-mail form or click on the feed.  And to all those who have read and/or shared my blog this year: Thank You!

It’s that time of year again!  Here in North Florida it’s cold, sometimes sunny, sometimes blustery (à la Winnie the Pooh).  My youngest is over-the-top excited about Christmas decorations and presents and my 18-year old and I are in the throes of studying for final exams (okay, that doesn’t really fit with the season but it’s a fact of my life!)

Last year at this time I wrote several holiday posts that were rather well-received and so I thought I would put the links for them all together in one place for your reading pleasure.

The first three posts offer practical tips and are, perhaps, at times humorous:

• Home-School Credit and Other Christmasy Thoughts
• Be the Boss of Your Holiday!
• Overdosing On Turkey? 

This next post is much more serious and was written based on my experience of going through the holidays after experiencing a great tragedy in my life.  It was one of my most trafficked posts last year.  If you have experienced a loss this year, or know someone who has, this post might just help you cope a little better with the emotional roller-coaster the holidays can be:

Tips for Coping with Grief During the Holidays

Finally, if you still need to get a gift or two for one of your kids, check out my recent post:

10 Smart Gift Ideas for Kids 

The gift suggestions in the above post are great not only for kids but for families and the “big kids” in your life as well!

I hope that these posts encourage, inspire, or help you in some way.  Feel free to share them using the  ”widgets” you find below.  You never know who might need some encouragement or inspiration today!

With the holiday season coming up many parents are looking for gift ideas for their kids.  None of us want more junk cluttering our homes, so we try to plan and purchase gifts that will last – and that might even teach our kids something!  In this post I share 10 gift ideas that will entertain, teach, and benefit your child (and family) in any number of ways.  Moreover, most of these ideas are quite affordable (if not downright cheap!) with the exception of a language program that I recommend.  I encourage you to check these products out and consider buying one (or more) of them for your kids.  And don’t forget to share this post with other parents, grandparents, and others who could use some ideas for the young (and not so young) ones in their lives!

1. Leapfrog – There are so many great Leapfrog products that can help your toddlers and pre-schoolers learn to read!  I particularly love the Phonics DVD’s “Letter Factory” and “Talking Words Factory.”  I can’t say conclusively that watching these DVD’s is the reason my youngest son taught himself to read by age four, but they certainly didn’t hurt!  The DVD’s are fun and they teach phonics in an incremental and easy-to-learn manner.  Another product my son used was the LeapPad.  But they have so many Leapfrog products now that I suggest you read some of the Amazon reviews to decide what would work best for your child.
2. Brainbox All Around the USA and Brainbox All Around the World -  I bought “Brainbox All Around the World” as an addition to our school curriculum. It sounded like a great geography supplement for my then 3^rd grader.  What I didn’t know was what a fun game it would be for our whole family to play.  This is the rare game that young children can play with older siblings and parents and no one gets bored.  The rules say to play for ten minutes to decide a winner but we play for however long we want.  We might play for ten minutes or for 30 minutes.  This is a great memory game (which can sometimes give the kids an advantage!)  You’ll be surprised how fun it is!
3. Monopoly Deal -  I don’t know about you but I hate the game of Monopoly.  Besides the fact that my older brother always won when we were kids (often by coercion!) it simply takes too long to play.  Monopoly Deal, on the other hand, is a quick game that kids and adults can enjoy.  As a matter of fact, my mom was the one who introduced Monopoly Deal to my kids after playing it with some of my cousins.  My kids have enjoyed playing it with their grandmother when she visits.  Additionally, it’s a perfect game to take on trips – it’s just a deck of cards!
4. Penguins On Ice -  Recommended for ages 6 to adult, Penguins on Ice is an award-winning  game of strategy requiring the player to fit pieces of ice on the playing surface so that they all fit and so that the penguins are in their correct places.  For one thing, this game just looks so cute!  In addition, it can be played by one child which can be an advantage at times!  From what I’ve read, it can be a little addicting for adults too!
5. Learn Movie Making Guide with Stop Motion Animation –  I’ve talked before about my nine-year old’s fascination with/obsession for all things Pixar.  His love for Pixar runs so deep that when he was four years old and saw a news spread about one of the executive producers he exclaimed, “That’s John Lasseter!”  In any case, I had been wanting to find some way to allow him to develop his movie-making skills (he’s been making PowerPoint slides of “movie credits” since he was five).  Well, I found what I was looking for in “Learn Movie Making Guide with Stop Motion Animation.”   This guide teaches kids how to use toys they have around the house – Legos, action figures, clay, poster board, etc. to make stop-motion movies (think “Wallace and Grommet”).  I first had my older sons teach my youngest how to set up scenes and work the included web-camera.  But within a short time he was making his own movies!  I have been shocked at what he has been able to learn and accomplish in such a short time.  The Learn Movie Making Guide also comes with the necessary software for your child to record, edit and add sounds to their movie.  Add your own mike and they can add voices as well.  If your child shows an interest in creating their own movies, this may be just the start they need!
6. The Best Of Sewing Machine Fun for Kids - Though I took “Home Ec” in school, I am by no means a seamstress.   I can repair a small tear in a seam or sew on a button, but that’s about it!  My daughter on the other hand is an incredibly creative young lady and when she was young she wanted to learn to sew.  She was about eleven years old at the time.  We bought my daughter a used sewing machine and once a week I worked with her using this book.  While I have read reviews of this product by people who have much more skill than I have, I was able to help my daughter develop a proficiency at using a sewing machine by following the projects in this book.  And as it turned out, my daughter did love sewing and eventually became an excellent seamstress.  As a matter of fact, her first job at the age of 16 (not counting the years she spent babysitting!) was working for a uniform store doing their alterations!  I can’t promise your child will someday make a living from using this book but it will give them a great headstart on learning to use a sewing machine properly.
7. Prismacolor Colored Pencils - If you have a child who is artistically inclined I encourage you to consider purchasing a set of Prismacolor pencils for them!  Compared to the cheap, low-quality colored pencils you can purchase just about anywhere, Prismacolor colored pencils are true tools for the artist in your life.  I bought a set many years ago and we are still using them!  They give true colors and last (seemingly) forever!  Well worth the price!
8. Lightwedge – Do you have a kid that loves to read on long car trips or camp-outs?  Or maybe they fall asleep with the light on while reading late at night (as my daughter used to do!)  Forget clip-on booklights – Lightwedge is the answer!  This “booklight” simply lays over the page you are reading, so your child can read without disturbing others (like a sibling sleeping in their car seat).  And if your child (or you?) fall asleep while reading, Lightwedge uses very little battery (and you can even buy Lightwedges that are rechargeable if you prefer).  I bought one of these for my daughter many years ago and she loved it.  Great for kids…or any reader in your life!
9. Apples to Apples -  If you’ve never heard of “Apples to Apples” you really need to consider purchasing this game.  Designed for a group to play (the more people the better) this game is a wonderful find!  My kids have played it many times at parties with friends and we’ve played it at family gatherings accompanied by much laughter and fun…it may be my kids favorite game!  Take it with you to family reunions, camp-outs, just about anywhere, and it will be a hit!
10. Rosetta Stone – As I said earlier, this gift recommendation is not inexpensive.  And it might seem strange to include a foreign language program as a gift idea, but not if you understand how fun Rosetta Stone can be.  My youngest has been using Rosetta Stone (Italian) for about two years now and he loves it!  As a matter of fact, he was incredibly excited to find out that there were additional levels that we could get for him.  Rosetta Stone is the kind of program that is self-paced and easy for kids to use.  Many adults enjoy Rosetta Stone too, so you might consider it for someone in your life who has been wanting to learn a language, regardless of their age!

My regular readers may have noticed that I did not post any new material this past week.  There is a reason for that.  I was in Miami (Florida) last weekend for the “Bird Road Baby Boomers” reunion at Tropical Park.

Now if you’re not from Miami you’re probably scratching your head wondering exactly what (or who) are the “Bird Road Baby Boomers.”  Allow me to explain.

I grew up in Miami, lived there for most of the first 34 years of my life, in fact.  Moreover, I am a second-generation Miami native since my mom was born there as well (in Coral Gables).  Again, that may not mean much to you if you’re not from the area, but you have to realize that up until the early part of the last century, Miami was little more than a one-horse town with a lovely beach area that was home to a number of gangsters (Al Capone, for example, had a place on Miami Beach).  In fact, even in the middle part of the 20^th century there was still plenty of room for families to come in and put down roots, which they finally started doing because by that time there was a way to control the mosquitoes and you could make a home *almost* bearable with fans and, later, window air conditioners.

As a Floridian I cannot begin to tell you how thankful I am for central air conditioning.  I grew up in a home with no air-conditioning and I can still remember lying in bed on a summer night unable to sleep because I was sweating (or rather, perspiring) so profusely.  Furthermore, the air coming in through the open windows was so still and hot that, if anything, it just made things worse.  I can also remember going to high school and wondering how a certain friend could look so amazing when we were in classrooms that were easily 95 degrees with humidity of close to 100%.  She said her secret was talcum powder.  Somehow it never worked quite so well for me.

In any case, one of the (many) main drags in Miami is 40^th Street, known to the locals as “Bird Road.”  It is the site for one of the best pizza places in the world: Frankie’s Pizza – and you can even get their pizza shipped to you!  It also is home to Tropical Park which started out as a horse track (they were still racing horses there when I was a kid) and later turned into a huge park for various recreational and exercise facilities along with a stadium where the local high schools played football.  It now also houses an “equestrian center” which is where the Bird Road Baby Boomers event was held last weekend.

The concept for the event, a clever one I think, was to invite alumni of the baby boomer generation that had attended the various public high schools in the vicinity (a half-dozen or so) to a big-time reunion that would allow friends from different classes and schools to reconnect and also, to raise money for Alzheimer’s research.

I had missed my 30-year high school reunion two years ago due to me and my kids coming down with swine flu so when I heard that someone from my class of 1979 was planning a “birthday party” as a bash within a bash, I said, “Sign me up!”

Which brings me to a secret that I now must share to my chagrin – I am turning 50 this month.  You see, the reason for the “birthday party” for those of my graduating class is that this is the year that most of us are turning 50.  Ouch.  And for the record, I contend that all those people who smugly assert that “age is just a number” have been reading way too many motivational posters.  I would suggest a steady diet of “De-Motivational” posters starting with perhaps this one: Self-Esteem.

I’ve got plenty of body parts that can attest to the fact that age is not “just a number.”  My creaky hip for one.  But never mind that.

Frankly, I can see that there are a few good aspects to turning 50.  For most of us, once we hit our 30’s and especially 40’s (and beyond) we begin to see how incredibly stupid most humans under the age of 25 are.  And I’m not talking about book-smarts or even, necessarily, uneducated.  I mean they actually believe that, for instance, their actions have no consequences.  The truly sad thing is when you see someone in their 30’s or, for that matter, in their 70’s that still believes that their actions have no consequences.  They are generally the people whose family members are no longer speaking to them and whose friends are either long-gone or just as messed-up as they are.  Age is supposed to bring experience and wisdom.  Even if sometimes that wisdom comes from walking through some hard times.

I also think that turning 50 grants me a certain license to be lazy, indifferent, or even a little loopy.  Not in an irresponsible manner, mind you.  Not in any way that would hurt someone else.  But why, for goodness sake, shouldn’t I take a nap if I feel like it?  Or scream like a crazy person at a Seminoles football game?  I mean, I’ve lived half a century, darn it!

On the other hand, life at 50 for me is not quite like life at 50 for most women.  In the days leading up to the Bird Road Baby Boomers bash, I was communicating via e-mail with one of the coordinators about some questions I had.  I mentioned that I was a member of the “Fabulous at 50” group.  In my e-mail I remarked that, by having our own little “bash within a bash” celebrating our 50^th birthdays, we were sort of trying to turn lemons into lemonade.  Her reply was something along the lines that “in your 50’s it’s all lemonade.”  In other words, your kids are grown, you’re enjoying your grandchildren, and you have the time and money to travel and pursue your own interests.

There’s just one problem.  Actually it’s a joy, but nevertheless, what it amounts to is that I am not in the stage of life where: my kids are all grown, I’m enjoying my grandchildren and I have the time and money to travel and play.

I do have two grown children (no grandchildren yet, but that’s okay!) but I also have two children that I’m still homeschooling and one of them is only nine!  I’m in the throes of getting my high school senior son applied to college and college scholarships all the while I am teaching my nine-year old long division.  And while I generally like math, I hate long division.  It goes against all the other rules of solving equations and it’s just annoying.

In any case, I made it to Miami where I attended two events: one on Friday night for the members of my class of ’79, and another on Saturday where I got to see those classmates again as well as a number of other people that were not in my class but that I had known well at one point in my life.  Many of the people I reconnected with that weekend were, in fact, people I had gone to elementary school with and who had lived in my neighborhood!  It was wild.  I had an absolute blast.  (And while it’s dry as dust in Tallahassee right now it rained both days in Miami and I managed to get soaked at both events!  Oh well.  Living life on the edge, right?)

Well, I might not be exactly living life on the edge.  Unlike one of my (female) cousins who is only two months older than me, I am most definitely not jumping on my Harley to travel the country.  But that’s okay.  I have the pleasure of snuggling on the couch with my nine-year old listening to the classical composers, or laughing over a funny story, or solving long division problems.  Actually, maybe we should just move on to fractions.  Yeah, let’s do that!

P.S.  For those who would say that reunions like this are (à la #15 and maybe #24 of The Bitter Home-Schooler’s Wish List) a reason why kids should not be homeschooled because they would miss out on the wonderful memories and camaraderie, I say, “Pshaw!”  (Yes, it’s a word!)  My daughter still keeps in touch with homeschooling friends she grew up with and, moreover, she has been a member for many years of the Home School Alumni organization.  HSA has members from all over the country who get together for national conferences as well as smaller regional and local events.  My daughter has coordinated and attended some of these events and made many wonderful friends as a result.  If you have a child who has graduated, or will soon be graduating, your homeschool program, make sure they check out HSA!

I recently had two separate interactions with Christian men that I found disturbing, to say the least.  As I pondered these situations I realized that they represented a good topic for a blog post…so here we are.

The first situation involved an interaction I had on Twitter.  Normally, I find Twitter to be a great resource.  I’ve been active on Twitter for about two years and have two separate accounts there: one is a personal account and the other is based around my website, but they often do overlap.

As I said, I normally find Twitter to be a great resource for political news, posts by other homeschoolers, and for general encouragement and friendship.  I’ve made some great connections there and was even able to get my son in touch with someone who’s helping him out in regards to a specific job he’s pursuing.

But as with anything else in life, you sometimes come across disappointing, annoying or even offensive material on Twitter.  For the most part I simply let it roll off, or if the person I’m following is a jerk on a consistent basis, I’ll just unfollow them.

On the other hand, since the people I interact with there are (presumably) adults, I also think you should be able to call attention to something they post that is inaccurate or even downright offensive.  Hence, my recent interaction with a man on Twitter that I will call “Tom.”  Tom’s bio picture leads me to believe that he’s old enough to have some manners.  Moreover, in his bio he says that he is “a child of God.”  Which is precisely the reason I messaged him about his comment.  Clearly, if you are going to publicly claim to be a Christian you better be willing and able to at least attempt to live up to that claim.  Not that you’re going to be perfect, but you should not only strive for “Christlike-ness” but you should also be willing to offer apologies and make amends when you fail.

In any case, the post by Tom that I found so offensive was a so-called “joke” about murdering women.  It was disgusting – along the lines of the way a serial killer might murder a woman and dispose of her body.  How anyone can think this is funny I don’t know but particularly for a Christian man to find this humorous was incomprehensible to me.  I sent him a polite message stating that, as a woman, I find jokes about murdering women to be offensive.

Now, let me first describe what would have been the right response to my objection.  It should have gone something like this: I can see how you would find that offensive and I apologize for my insensitivity.

Not so difficult, right?

The response I did get from this “child of God?”  His response was essentially something along the lines of: “Go to hell.”  Seriously.

As I pointed out in my opening remarks, this wasn’t the first time in recent months that I had encountered this kind of treatment by a Christian man.  We have a local talk radio show that represents itself as being conservative and, furthermore, since I know the lead commentator was once an associate pastor at a church I used to attend, I know that he considers himself to be a Christian.

In the case of this local talk radio “personality” – there was a promo for his show a couple of months back that was basically mocking Michelle Bachmann for taking a stand against pornography.  Frankly, I wasn’t quite sure whether the intention was to mock Michelle Bachmann or to defend porn but either way, a show that is supposed to be conservative hosted by a man who publicly claims to be a Christian should certainly NOT be mocking a principled conservative woman who is taking a stand against porn (which is essentially a cancer eating away at our society).

So I sent him an e-mail.  It seems this is the only way to contact people these days so that’s what I did.  I pointed out, politely I believe, that a show that purports to support conservative values hosted by a Christian man should not be mocking a Christian woman who has the courage to publicly state the truth about the horrible effects pornography has on our culture, women and families.

Again, the response I should have gotten would have been something like this: I can see how that promo could have been construed as mocking Michelle Bachmann and that was not our intention.  We apologize for any offense it may have caused.

The actual response I received was a condescending rant that almost seemed to defend the porn industry even while stating that, of course, he believes pornography is immoral.  I was stunned.

Keep in mind, these were responses from men who claim publicly to be Christians.  It’s not like I’m writing Howard Stern to say I find his material to be utterly offensive to women!  Why would I?  That’s what Stern is trying to do and no one would (or should) consider him to have any morals much less any Christian sensibilities.

But Christian men who tell women to go to hell as opposed to offering a polite apology?  What is wrong with these men?  As I have pondered this conundrum I have tried to get to the root cause that would make grown men so lacking in any kind of proper sensibilities.  I doubt that these men were raised to behave so abominably.  So my conclusion has been that this is a result of the sexual immorality and debauchery that pervades our culture and causes men to perceive women as objects rather than as people.  It is a result of a society where the notion of individual responsibility is about as rare as the chances of me winning “American Idol.”  It is the result of a perceived, but not actual, anonymity that dupes people into believing that the person on the other end of that internet connection is not deserving of respect.  There may be more reasons but these are the ones that come readily to my mind.

We live in a post-”women’s liberation” environment that has warped men’s sensibilities.  Even men who claim to be Christian.  And this is where you moms (and dads) need to step up to purposefully raise your sons to have a different worldview in regards to women.

Before I go further I feel I should share some of what my worldview is in terms of women’s roles.   I believe the best description is that I consider myself a “conservative feminist.”  What do I mean by “conservative feminist?”  Well, for one thing I don’t subscribe to the traditional interpretations of many of the Scriptures that deal with the interactions between men and women and specifically, husbands and wives.  The truth is, those interpretations all came from men.  If you want an outstanding resource that explains my position on these questions I recommend Who Said Women Can’t Teach by Charles Trombley.

On the other hand, when I say “feminist” I’m talking about the type of feminism that defined such women as Susan B. Anthony who was a strong opponent of abortion and sexual immorality.  In fact, I do believe that (generally) a mother’s primary role is in the home raising her children.  But I also believe that our daughters should go to college and develop their giftings outside the home because, frankly, no one knows what the future holds and no one can know if it’s even in God’s plan for their daughter to be married.  In all likelihood your daughter will marry, but can you know when God will bring the right man into your daughter’s life?  Of course not. Furthermore, I believe she needs to learn to be independent because even if she does marry, what if she should become a widow at an early age?  (It happens.)  So much of the “patriarchal” movement in homeschooling fails to recognize that life is not as tidy as they make it out to be.

(Oh, and one more thing…higher education and the development of her gifts will only help your daughter to be an even more amazing homeschool mom.)

With all that being said, there is no question that the so-called “women’s liberation movement” of the ‘60s and ’70s was anything but.  (I might also add that I don’t believe the “feminists” of that time were truly feminists – their focus was not on the qualities that make women unique and valuable but rather they were intent on advancing a godless morality and a political philosophy that would best be described as Marxism.)

The fact is (and few people are actually aware of this) the Roe v. Wade court case that made abortion legal (at every stage of development for any reason) was financed in part by Hugh Hefner. The deception that has been perpetrated against women of our era is diabolical.  The whole reason for “The Pill” and legalized abortion was so that men could have sex whenever, wherever, and with whomever they want without consequences.  Women’s Lib actually resulted in women’s bondage to the lusts of men.  It’s a sad, sick truth.

And another truth is, Christian men have not been immune to the effects of the moral dumbing-down of our society.  Furthermore, they seem to not even realize it.  How else do you explain Christian men who can’t (or won’t) make a simple apology to a woman for a comment that should be obviously offensive?  Are they afraid they will lose their manhood card if they show some sensitivity to a woman’s feelings?

I know it’s probably a hopeless wish, but I do wish that every man could somehow comprehend how utterly different life is for a woman.  And yes, more difficult as well.  What I am referring to specifically is the issue of women being victimized.  How many men even think twice about walking into a deserted parking garage?  How many men think twice about walking alone at night to the corner convenience store (or a friend’s house or anywhere for that matter)?

On the other hand, women have to always keep in mind the possibility that they could very easily become a victim of assault, particularly sexual assault.  How many men do you think pattern their life in any way so as to avoid being raped?  Yet for women, it affects our lives every single day.  When I walk into a deserted parking garage I need to remember to have my keys out and ready, either so I can make a quick escape in my car, or so that I can use them to gouge out the eyes of an attacker!  I know that I should never walk alone at night but if for some reason I have to (for instance, to get to where my car is parked) I should make sure that I am walking in a well-lighted area (which means that when I park my car I need to make sure it’s in a well-lighted area even if when I park it, it’s still broad daylight!)

Moreover, if you are a woman (like me) who enjoys taking road trips alone, it certainly is a calculated risk.  You definitely don’t want to find yourself stuck somewhere on the interstate.  Yet I refuse to allow the threat of harm to completely control my life.  I love to take road trips alone, and I do. But I always make sure I get my car into the shop for a “checkup” beforehand.

Frankly, it’s a constant balance for women: how much do we allow the risk of sexual assault to determine where we go and what we do?  We try to use wisdom while at the same time pursuing a normal life where fear does not control us.  I am absolutely convinced that very few men, if any, have given any thought at all as to how much women adapt their lives to the ever-present threat of becoming a victim.

But the sad truth is, women are victimized every day – let me be specific – they are sexually assaulted every day and in most cases the people in their lives will never know that.  I guarantee you that most (if not all) men are absolutely clueless to the fact that their mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, or friends have more than likely been a victim of sexual assault at some point in their lives.  Because it’s something we just don’t talk about.

What does this have to do with my original premise concerning the stunning responses I had from the Christian men I mentioned?  It’s this: moms (and dads) need to be helping their sons to understand that life is different for women.  When a women objects to a “joke” about murder, maybe that’s because she knows women that have been murdered by boyfriends or husbands.  (I do.)  Maybe it’s because a woman is all too aware how tenuous her existence can be if she makes even the slight mistake of parking in a not-so-well-lighted parking lot.

It’s a tragic fact that women more and more have to “watch their backs” lest they become a victim of sexual assault.  I’m absolutely convinced that our pornography-saturated culture is breeding sexual predators at an alarming rate.  I also believe that many young men, especially of college age, are more likely than not to rape a woman if they get the chance and think they can do so with impunity.  (And it seems all a guy has to say these days is, “it was consensual,” and he’s given an automatic pass).  It is a sick truth that if a guy sees a drunk girl at a party he is far more likely to be thinking of a way he can have sex with (i.e. rape) her than he is thinking of a way to protect her from the other guys.

So it’s up to Christian moms to consistently and purposefully teach our sons what it is like to be a woman and how dangerous the world can be for those of us who have two X chromosomes.  They also need to be taught that being a polite, caring, considerate Christian man doesn’t just mean opening a door or two.  It also means realizing that in this world that is so different for women, they need to develop a sensitivity to how women may perceive a comment that, for instance, portends to joke about violence toward women.  They need to be considerate and sensitive enough to actually step up and apologize every once in awhile.  Even if they think the woman in question is over-reacting or over-sensitive.  So what?  Will it really hurt them to say, “I’m sorry?”  Of course not.

Yes I believe women should be confident, smart, and independent.  It’s quite possible their life will depend on it.  But I also believe men, and especially Christian men, should be more than willing to be sensitive to a woman’s viewpoint.  They should be more than willing to defend women and they should be more than willing to go the extra mile to not be offensive.  And when they are offensive – and again, no one is expecting you guys to be perfect – they should be more than willing to apologize.  THAT is what a real man would do.

The following is a guest post by Aaron Schulman.   Aaron and his wife Jen are homeschooling parents. Aaron has been an avid guitar player, teacher, writer and enthusiast since 1990, writing and maintaining several acoustic guitar reviews on his site, Strumviews.com to help people find the right guitar for their purposes. He has recently written a thorough review on finding the best guitars for kids, in order to educate parents on the difference between toys, junk budget guitars, and a true instrument upon which a child can learn and grow musically with confidence.

Many home school parents choose to homeschool their children for significant reasons:

• Having more influence on their child’s early years of development
• Instilling their foundational beliefs and family values
• Helping their children develop under their loving care
• Believing they can offer a better, safer education through critical development years
• Being a better “gate-keeper” on their early social influences and more.

For these two homeschooling parents, we chose to home school our child after 5th grade because we believed it was the best direction for her to develop in a safe environment (among many other personal reasons not listed above). We simply knew it was the right time and the best thing to do for our daughter.

Among the many challenges of finding the right curricula and programs to fulfill a child’s home school and state education requirements is the often daunting task of helping them to develop an appreciation for “extra-curricular” activities, including sports, the arts, and music appreciation. In addition to the task of playing principal, teacher, curricula developer, provider and parent, home school parents often operate on limited resources when looking to round out their child’s education. Often times, parents make a decision to sacrifice a second income in order to make the more important investment in their children’s development.

With this simple little guide, we have developed some common sense steps to help you in the online search for your free or low-cost music education for your child. While we don’t give away resources for particular lessons, we are sharing some methodologies to help you find great resources (from a home school parent, guitar and music performer and teacher, and former licensed public school educator). Whether you are looking to help your child explore general music, excellent choral and voice development, or you desire to help your child become the best beginner acoustic guitar player he or she can be, there are some simple guidelines to consider when searching for resources.

Tip #1: Do you have an exit strategy?

Being aware of future possible music scenarios with your child:

While looking online for great resources to train and teach your children music theory or a specific instrument, be first aware of the possibility that your child may develop quickly and beyond your ability to teach him or her. While online sites run the gamut of quality, professional, free music training resources to shoddy, questionable authority in the music training realm, it is very possible that your child may, at some point, require the investment of personal, private lessons and/or local homeschool music groups and organizations. Having this on your radar will simply help you to be prepared in the event your child outgrows the free online resources. When it comes to coaching and training in any endeavor, especially music, there are certain levels of achievement that can only be attained through private lessons, coaching or “team play”. If you begin teaching your child music and he or she has a gift or bent that begins to flourish, will you be ready to support that child’s gift at a higher investment or commitment level that may require more from your entire family?

Tip # 2: Evaluating the instructor’s credentials

Great teachers do not always make the best musicians. Likewise, the best musicians do not always make the best instructors. It’s one thing to be able to play a piano, drums or guitar to recognizable level of mastery, but to be able to convey the process to other learners in a way that most can digest and apply the information is a different “animal” altogether.

Additionally, just because an individual has an advanced degree in music theory from an elite university does not make him or her a great or effective teacher – especially for your child. One of the best ways to check out the instructor’s materials and whether he or she would be effective with your child is to start by cross-referencing the legitimate testimonials of students that are similar to your child’s profile. Though this is not always possible, connecting with honest reviews is a great measure of social proof. Looking for some simple guarantees and a clean, easy navigation process through the lessons (instead of a hodge-podge of lessons with no specific direction) can be a clue as to the instructor or instructional material’s ability to walk a beginner learner through the process with ease of understanding and application. Additionally, some music lesson sites and communities offer various selections from various teachers. Having a bit of variety in instructors can help to prevent your child from reaching a “bottleneck” in his or her learning process due to personality conflicts, teaching style problems, or other teacher-student limitations.

Tip # 3: Evaluating the instructor’s “community”

Beyond the instructor’s credentials is the oft-missed social influence of the instructors beliefs, community and philosophies.

1- Does his or her philosophy clash with your values?

2- Does his or her community open your child up to influences of which you might not approve?

3 – Does his or her community create easy access to other channels of values that clash with your own?

One of the reasons you may have decided to homeschool your child is to be a gateway for philosophies and ideas that you do may not believe are beneficial for your child. One of the ways to resolve this is to do “long tail search” research on the Internet to discover more about the person and his or her other connections, social groups, philosophies, and other entanglements that can influence your child by exposure and association. For example – if you were to research more about a guitar player named “John Smith”, you could find out more about John Smith at his website, including his location (if he has a mailing address posted on the site). Then you could use some long tail searches to find out a little more about his associations simply by typing in different combinations of his full name, location, and perhaps his instrument or area of expertise – for example:

“John Q. Smith Anytown California guitar teacher (or player)”

Long tail keywords do not always mean “long combinations of words” but actually refer to a more highly targeted, less general and less frequently searched phrases. In most cases, long-tail key word phrases do include more words than words in the same category that are more popularly searched. This little strategy can also be used when searching for answers to tip #4.

Along with finding the right instruction, you may be interested in finding the right equipment. Whether you are searching for instruction, doing a background search on the instructor, or looking for solid reviews on training or a specific instrument, the same search strategies apply. A more specific example of learning how to search for the right guitar for a specific budget would be comparable as well. If you searched “best acoustic guitar”, you might get a much more general return and less direction than if you searched “best acoustic guitar priced under $1000”. By adding more specific context to your search, you will be able to dial in more specifically on the needed information you review.

Tip # 4: Finding the best online instruction (or instructor)

Now that you have a few solid strategies for finding and evaluating your instructor, or the material produced by the music instructor, you can use similar strategies to find, evaluate and compare. If you have no musical experience whatsoever, it will be difficult to navigate through the plethora of information that is available on the Internet when it comes to music instruction, especially through all of the free content that is available. A few key pointers to keep in mind in order to give your child the best chance at growing his or her musical aptitude:

• Make sure your child has some chemistry with the instructor or material. In the event your child becomes discouraged early, try a different instructor or instructional material.
• Be sure that your child is age-appropriate for the instrument of choice. For example, a child can product quality sound at an earlier age with instruments such as a piano or drum versus a guitar due to the coordination of producing a quality sound.
• Be aware and sensitive to your child’s desired pace of learning. If the child is highly encouraged and can handle more instruction, try to provide more if possible and within reason to other forms of child development (social, academic, practical and physical health). On the other hand, if the child seems to weary easily, try not to push him or her too much to avoid any discouragement or burnout.

Keeping these ideas in mind, you can use the Google Keyword Tool to find other relevant search phrases for your online research endeavors. Just because a page ranks in the top 10 for Google Search Results, does not mean that it will be the best instruction for your child. However, it would be difficult to reach the top 10 in Google if the content were not quality content. Going to the Google Keyword Tool and typing in search phrases relevant to your research will return plenty of other related keyword phrases you can use to find alternative resources online.

In all, using these simple tools and guidelines can help you, a caring and loving parent, to gain a better quality return for your child’s music development, as well as his or her overall development. After all, you chose to home school in order to give your child a better education in a more suitable and caring environment, encompassed by the family values that are most important to your and your family. Choosing the right external music instructional influence is essential in maintaining your goals for homeschooling education.

This post is the second in a series I’m calling “Homeschooling Myths.”  I hope you read them all, share them with your friends (or enemies, either way) and let me know what you think in the comments.

Before I begin I feel I must offer a disclaimer to this post: it is rated “M” for mature due to the fact that, for the purpose of illustration, it does contain some sexual references.

THE MYTH OF SOCIALIZATION

It is truly mind-boggling how many people think they have the right to question a parent’s decision to homeschool their child.  And it’s equally mind-boggling how they all seem to ask the same uncreative question, “But what about socialization?”

I’m entering my 22^nd year of homeschooling and, thankfully, I don’t hear that question very often anymore.  I think that’s more because I don’t get out as much these days – I only have one child who doesn’t have a driver’s license so I’m not chauffeuring kids around to ball games and dance lessons like I used to.

In any case, I do hear from other homeschooling parents, especially those who are new to homeschooling, that there are in fact still people out there asking that obnoxious (and intrusive) question.  I belong to a discussion group at BlogFrog called the “Hip Homeschool Moms.”  Recently a conversation was started by a homeschooling mom who was very distressed at comments she had received from other parents while on a trip to the park with her kids.  And I have to ask it again, “What makes people think they have the right to question a parent’s decision to homeschool?!”

In my post titled “The Myth of the Patient Home Schooler” I made a reference to “The Bitter Home Schooler’s Wish List,”- a thoroughly entertaining satire that any homeschooler can appreciate.  In today’s post I again have to give props to the “the list” which was written by homeschool mom Deborah Markus.  In Wish #2 Markus offers a suggestion to all those interfering souls who bring up the socialization question:

“Learn what the words “socialize” and “socialization” mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you’re talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we’ve got a decent grasp of both concepts.”

For the purpose of this post I’d like to enlarge on those definitions a little.  For one thing, while socializing can be for “fun” – whether that means a weekly get-together with friends for coffee or re-connecting with someone you haven’t seen in years – it also serves a function in business.  It might mean networking at a conference or discussing the details of a business deal over a game of golf but regardless, it’s still a form of socializing.

Socialization, on the other hand, is what makes proper socializing possible.

Socialization is actually one of the most important aspects of parenting and, moreover, I would contend that it is the parent’s obligation and no one else’s.

I’d like to point out here that the “myth of socialization” is a two-sided coin.  On the one side, you have the argument that it is the government school’s role to provide socialization for children and that the government schools are actually doing a good job of this, an idea that is patently false.  On the other side of that coin you have the likewise patently false notion, in fact the absurd notion, that homeschoolers cannot and are not adequately socializing their children.

Before I discuss those equally ridiculous beliefs further, I’d like to express what I believe are some of the things parents should be doing to properly socialize their children:

• Children need to be taught manners.  They need to learn to not only say “please” and “thank you” but also to speak to adults without mumbling and shuffling around while they stare at their feet.
• Children need to be taught to show appreciation through expressions of thanks for daily blessings, such as mom fixing dinner for the family, as well as for less frequent blessings, such as the receiving of birthday gifts.  (My children, from a young age, are taught to write thank-you notes to grandparents, etc. for birthday and other gifts.  It boggles my mind how few parents teach their kids this simple lesson in gratitude.)
• Children need to learn that as part of a family they are expected to share in the chores that are part of family life.  In addition, when they are out in public they do not “disturb the peace” or make messes for others to clean up.
• Children should be taught to show respect for their elders and concern, compassion, and patience for those that are younger or less fortunate than they are.
• For Christian families, such as my own, there are additional lessons in socialization: learning to share of their substance with the needy; honoring the Lord through obeying his Word; and having a concern for the persecuted and those in our society whose lives are considered of less worth such as the unborn or the elderly.  Moreover, given the sad state of our sex-saturated/obsessed society, Christian families need to address the proper interactions of girls and boys, men and women.  Our sons need to be taught that until they put a ring on a girl’s finger and say “I do” they need to keep their hands to themselves and their thing in their pants.  Our daughters need to be taught that until a man puts a ring on their finger and says “I do” they need to keep their clothes on and their legs closed.

Proper socialization doesn’t just happen and moreover, it doesn’t just happen in a vacuum.  In other words, there are plenty of influences trying to undo the important lessons you are teaching your children about how they should interact with and treat other people.

In addition, in regards to the public school system, the religion of the government schools (humanism) not only doesn’t get it done in regards to proper socialization – it actually teaches negative socialization.  And the National Education Association – the most powerful union in our nation today – actually endorses and promotes some of the worst of this negative socialization.  But more on that in a minute.

There are so many examples of how the public schools’ version of socialization negatively impacts kids.  Yet parents never seem to connect the dots.  I strongly suggest, if you haven’t already, that you take the time to read Homeschooling: The Right Choice by Chris Klicka.  It details how the appalling condition of our public schools is by no means a result of chance or even simply good intentions gone awry.  This mess was purely by design.  If you don’t believe me, read the book.  It’s quite enlightening.

I want to offer a couple of examples of the types of negative socialization that are taking place in our schools that I’m guessing you haven’t heard about.  These examples are not even the tip of the iceberg but if these cases don’t give parents pause about sending their kids to public school, I don’t know what will.

In 1992 a public high school in Massachusetts hosted a mandatory school-wide assembly to supposedly instruct kids on AIDS awareness.  It was an extremely explicit sex education workshop that included “audience participation.”  The description of what went on in that assembly is utterly and thoroughly disgusting.  Keep in mind that, again, this assembly was mandatory.  What that means is that there was no opt-out and, in fact, parents weren’t even informed that this assembly was going to take place.  After hearing from their kids about the content matter of the assembly after the fact, some parents sued but were told by the court that they have no say at all in what their kids are exposed to at school.  In fact, in another case, a father was arrested for simply requesting to speak to an official at a school about sexually explicit materials that were being taught to kindergartners and first-graders.

In other words, you as a parent have no right to tell a public school teacher or principal that you don’t want your child exposed to explicit sexual material, no matter what their age.

In another even more disturbing development, a public school teacher in California was suspended after two second-graders (that’s seven-year olds) were discovered performing oral sex on one another in their classroom.

Let that one sink in for a moment.

I have a few things to say about that incident and because I believe these points are very important I hope you are paying attention.  I realize it may take a few moments for the shock to wear off (though frankly, I heard about this incident weeks ago and I don’t think the shock has worn off yet).  So take a few deep breaths, then read on:

• The first point I want to make about this horrific situation is to note that the teacher in question was suspended with pay.  With pay???  Unbelievable.
• My second point is that I’m going to bet you didn’t see this on your nightly news shows or an episode of “Sixty Minutes.”  And my guess is most parents don’t spend much time searching the “Huffington Post” trying to find out if there have been seven-year olds performing sex acts in school.  In fact, the only reason I heard about this case is because I listen (unapologetically) to conservative talk radio.  The network and cable news shows are, without a doubt, in bed with (no pun intended) the National Education Association.  If you want to know the truth about the cesspool that is our public school system you are going to have to search for it.  My weapon of choice is conservative talk radio and my favorite talker is, by far, Mark Levin.  I encourage you to give him a listen.
• My third and final point is crucial.  If you take nothing else away from this post it may be the most important point of all.  I want to ask you a question:  How many parents whose children attend that school do you think said, after hearing of this situation, “I just knew something like this was going to happen sooner or later!”  The truth is, parents never say that.  Every time some horrible situation is exposed in a school or some terrible event happens parents are always shocked.  And that is exactly the point.

Parents are perpetually shocked, confused, bewildered and befuddled that anything so terrible could have happened at their child’s school because parents are completely, utterly, and thoroughly clueless about what goes on in their child’s school and classroom.  I don’t care how many hours a parent spends volunteering or going to parent/teacher conferences – unless they are spending every second of every minute by their child’s side they are clueless.

My final point in this post is one that really warrants billboards across this country.  I would hope that if parents knew this last truth that I am going to share, they would pull their kids out of the public schools in droves to homeschool them.  But who knows?  In any case, I think it’s important for parents to understand that situations like the one in which two seven-year olds performed sex acts on one another in a public school classroom are not something the teachers’ union has a problem with.

In fact, the National Education Association wants little children to be taught about masturbation, orgasms, oral sex and every deviant sexual expression you can imagine.  They’ve said so themselves.  If you do nothing else, please take a moment to read that link.  Again, the NEA has said themselves that they want explicit, disgusting and degrading sexual content taught to little children.  And please note that the official quoted in that link specifically says that children should not be able to opt-out of the NEA’s particular brand of “education.”  In other words, as far as the National Education Association is concerned you, as the parent, should have no say as to what your child is taught regardless of whether it contradicts your beliefs, is harmful or is just plain disgusting.  Tough luck parents.

Frankly, if I needed any convincing (and I obviously don’t) that homeschooling is vastly superior to public education, that would be it.

So the next time someone asks you, “But what about socialization?” – just send them to this post.  And don’t forget to share it with your homeschooling friends or, for that matter, anyone you think might benefit from having a little light shed on the question, or rather the “myth,” of socialization.

This post is the first in a new series I am calling “Homeschooling Myths.”  I hope you will share it with your friends and let me know what you think in the comments!

I began homeschooling in 1990.  It was a time when homeschooling was still very much on the fringes (and in some states still illegal).  Frankly, like many homeschooling moms I tried to not have my kids out-and-about during school hours because I quickly became tired of having my decision to homeschool questioned by every single person who learned we were homeschoolers.

Still, inevitably we would be somewhere, say the grocery store, and my children would be asked by someone, say the bagboy, “Where do you go to school?”  An innocuous question perhaps but without exception the conversation would quickly head south once my children replied, “We’re homeschooled,” or, better yet, “We don’t go to school.”

Now those of you who have been homeschooling as long as I have can probably predict what came next.  First the look.  Then the question: “But what about socialization?”

I will address the “myth of socialization” in a future post but suffice it to say that after 20+ years of being asked the “socialization question,” I’m totally over it.  Don’t ask me.  It’s stupid.  Moving on.

Over the years the #2 comment I have gotten from people after I tell them I homeschool is, without a doubt, something that goes like this: “If I homeschooled my kid I would kill them!”  Yes, people actually say things like that.

The idea that homeschoolers are inherently more patient than other parents should be so utterly, apparently false that it is a wonder parents think they can get away with this excuse…but they do!

In my whole life I think I’ve met two people that I believe had a natural tendency towards patience.  And both of them, interestingly enough, are nurses.  And I suspect that if you asked them if they believe that they are naturally patient people their response would be, “Say what?”

I can tell you I am most definitely not a patient person by nature.  Far from it.  Have I learned patience over the years?  Sure.  On the other hand, is it patience that causes me to just not care anymore when my 9-year old son takes over the kitchen to make it his raceway while I’m in the middle of fixing dinner, or is it just being oblivious?  I’m not sure.  I’m getting so old that the number of things I get huffy over keeps dwindling year by year.

In any case, I didn’t say to myself one day, “Wow, I am such a patient person I should homeschool my kids!”  And I can’t tell you frustrating it is when someone tells me, “You must be incredibly patient!” or “Oh, I could never do that – my kid and I fight over him doing his homework!”

I’d like to let you in on what seems to be a heavily-guarded secret: if you battle with your kid over their homework there’s something wrong with your parenting.  You’re the parent.  If you haven’t figured out how to get your kid to do their homework without it being a battle then I would say you might want to work on your parenting skills.  I suggest you read my post on “How To Be a Not-So-Average Parent.”  Of course, that would also mean that you have to be willing to change your parenting methods.  Are you?

Let’s take that one step further – don’t tell me that you can’t homeschool because you aren’t patient enough.  That is an excuse for not homeschooling, not a reason.

Over the years I’ve heard lots of excuses why parents don’t homeschool but I don’t think I’ve yet heard one good reason.  When you consider that there are single parents out there raising and homeschooling their kids on very limited budgets, it becomes even clearer that perhaps there aren’t any legitimate reasons not to homeschool, only excuses.

I have decided that when parents declare that they aren’t patient enough to homeschool what they are really doing is making a self-deprecating statement intended to elicit a certain response.  The response they are looking for is something on the order of: “Oh, how wise you are to realize your limitations.”  In actuality when I hear that statement I know that what that parent is really saying is that they have made the choice to not homeschool their children.  They are saying that it’s not worth it to them to work on their character a little in order to be able to give their child a superior educational experience.

I also know that it’s not worth trying to change that parent’s mind about their decision not to homeschool, because their choice really has nothing to do with whether they are patient or not – that is merely an excuse.  I’m very willing to help parents who want to homeschool by giving them advice, whether here on my site, in person when I meet them, or those who contact me via e-mail (by filling out the form on my “Contact” page).  But my time is valuable and I will not waste it on a pointless exercise.

On the other hand, I will also not run away screaming the next time a parent says to me they are too impatient to homeschool.  I might like to but I will choose, instead, to be patient with their rather patronizing remark.  Because patience, like so much else in life, is really essentially a choice.

P.S. The “myth of the patient homeschooler” is alluded to in #23 of “The Bitter Home-Schooler’s Wish List.”  If you’ve never read the “wish list” I suggest you do because it’s a hoot!